Selling out Taiwan

Copyright 2010 Tân Gī-jîn. Used with author’s permission.

Cartoons do not reflect the views of the blogger or his employer.

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[Thâi Má Eng-kiú]

Sui-jiân “(in Mandarin) Ma Yingjiu-men” kóng soan-iông “Thâi Píⁿ” sī giân-lūn chū-iû, tān-sī lán iû-goân ài ū sī-hui.

Lán mài soan-iông “Thâi má”…

[Mài thâi Má Eng-kiú]

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[Kill Ma Yingjeou]

Although “Ma Yingjeou’s people” said that advocating “Kill (Chen Shui) Bian” was freedom of speech, we should, as always, have propriety.

We shouldn’t advocate “Killing Ma…”

[Don't Kill Ma Yingjeou]

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There’s a pun here. The Taiwanese pronunciation of “Don’t kill,” mài thâi, rhymes with “sell out Taiwan” (賣台) in Mandarin. So his sign now can be read as “Ma Yingjeou (is) selling out Taiwan.” Hardy har har.

What a coincidence

Nn̄g ê cha-po͘-lâng tâng-chê hāⁿ ji̍p chiú-ka. Lāi-té kan-ta ū nn̄g ê cha-bó͘-lâng. Kiâⁿ tī thâu-chêng hit ê hiông-hiông oa̍t-thâu beh kiâⁿ–chhut-khì, sè sè siaⁿ kóng :” Bái ah! Goán bó͘ kap goá ê hoé-kì (chêng-hū) lóng tī hia!”

Lēng-goā hit ê thàm-thâu ji̍p-khì khoàⁿ chi̍t ē, mā oa̍t-thâu kín soan–chhut-khì, chhùi-lāi liām kóng :” Ná ē hiah tú-hó, goán bó͘ kap goá ê hoé-kì mā lóng tī hia.”

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Two guys are stepping into a bar together. Inside the bar, there are only two women. The guy walking in front quickly turns around and starts walking back out, saying under his breath, “Crap. My wife and my mistress are both in there.”

The other guy stuck his head in to take a look around, and also quickly turned and slipped out, muttering, “What a coincidence! My wife and my mistress are also both in there!”

Original joke here.

Gluttony

Cha-bó͘-kiáⁿ: Cha-hng góan pêng-iú lâi lán tau chhit-thô, tńg–khì it-tit o-ló kóng lán tau chiâⁿ súi, chiâⁿ hó-sńg!

A-bú: Ū- iáⁿ?I iáu-koh kóng siáⁿ?

Cha-bó͘-kiáⁿ : I koh kóng lán tau ê lâng chin tiōng-chia̍h!

A-bú: Tiōng-chia̍h? Ná ē án-ne kóng?

Cha-bó͘-kiáⁿ : I ê ì-sū sī A-bú lí chin gâu chú-chia̍h, góan lóng ū chia̍h-hok!

A-Bú: Lán tau sī tùi 1-ji̍t 3-tǹg ê chiah-sit khah tiōng-sī, 1-tiám-á tiō bô chhin-chhái.  Sī “chù-tiōng chia̍h,” m̄-sī “tiōng chia̍h!”

Chù: Tiōng-chia̍h, tio̍h-sī iau-kúi, tham-chia̍h ê ì-sù.

Daughter: Yesterday, my friend came over to our house to play/spend time/hang out, and afterward she kept saying how beautiful our house is, and how much fun.

Mother: Really? What else did she say?

Daughter: She also said everyone in our house is so gluttonous.

Mother: Gluttonous? How could she say that?

Daughter: What she meant is that you are such a good cook, so we were all so lucky. [Literally: “have eating fortune”]

Mother: We just make sure we have three square meals every day, and aren’t careless (about this). This is “paying attention to what we eat (chù-tiōng chia̍h),” not “gluttony” (tiōng-chia̍h).

Note: “Tiōng-chia̍h” means being gluttonous, or having an insatiable desire for food.

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Original joke here, along with machine readings of the joke line by line. Pronunciation is a little stilted–and it messes up sometimes, especially when there are English words inserted–but the tones are usually dead-on. Like most Chinese jokes, of course, it revolves around a play on words.

This is from the jokes page on Ungian’s website.  His website is a great resource if you can read Chinese characters. In addition to the dictionary listed on my blogroll, there are also proverbs, essays and other assorted writings, scans of older materials, and more.

Who wrote it for you?

Lú chok-ka sin chheh hoat-piáu hōe.

Chi̍t ê lú tiān-iáⁿ bêng-chheⁿ kiâⁿ óa khì kā kóng: “Lí ê chok-phín siá liáu chiok chán, chúi-chún chiok kôan! Tio̍h –lah,” Iáⁿ-chheⁿ iōng chi̍t ê kún-sńg-chhiò ê kháu-khì kè-sio̍k kóng,” sī siáⁿ-lâng thè lí siá–ê?”

Lú chok-ka kóng:” Khí-kám! Khí-kám!” Jiân-āu koh iōng khau-sé ê khùi-kháu mn̄g:” si siáⁿ-lâng thè lí tha̍k–ê?”

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A female author was having a party to celebrate the publishing of her new book.

A female movie star walked over to her and said: “Your work is so well written, and of such high quality. So,” the starlet continued in a joking way, “who wrote it for you?”

The authoress said, “Oh, it’s nothing really.” She continued mockingly, asking (the movie star), “who read it for you.”

Original joke here.

God’s money

Lé-pài-ji̍t8 tāi-ke chò-hóe beh khì kàu-tn̂g chò lé-pài.

A-bú the̍h8 2 kâi 50 kho· ê gîn-kak-á hō· 10 hòe ê A-Koan. Koh te̍k8-pia̍t8 kau-tài chit ê hō· i, chit ê ài hòng-hiàn hō· Siōng-tè.

In hoaⁿ-hoaⁿ hí-hí tàu-tīn kiâⁿ chhut mn̂g.

A-Koan ná chhiùⁿ koa, pòaⁿ kiâⁿ pòaⁿ chông. Bô tú-hó sòa po̍ah8 1 tó. 1 kâi 50 kho· ê gîn-kak-á sòa lìn tùi pâi-chúi-kau lo̍h8–khì.

I tōa siaⁿ hoah kóng:” A-bú, Siōng-tè ê chîⁿ lak bô–khì ah!”

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On Sunday morning, everyone was getting ready to church together.

The mother took two 50-kuai coins and gave them to ten-year-old Koan, and told him that one was for him, and the other was for giving to God.

Then they cheerfully walked out of the door together.

Singing a song, Koan went along half walking and half running.  Then he happened to take a spill, and one of the 50-kuai coins rolled into the sewer.

He cried out loudly, ” Mom! I lost God’s money!”

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Original joke here.

Hair is older

Thâu-mo͘  khah lāu

Khó-chhì-chóa ū chit ê būn-tê : Ūi-hô thâu-mo͘ pí chhùi-chhiu khah tāi-seng pe̍h ?

1 ê thian-châi ha̍k-seng ê tap-àn sī : Thâu-mo͘ pí chhùi-chhiu khah chá 15 nî hoat–chhut-lâi , khah lāu. Só͘-í seng pe̍h.

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Hair is older

On the test paper was this question: Why does your hair turn white before your beard?

One bright student replied: Hair is older since it comes out 15 years before your beard, so it turns white first.

Original joke here.

Would you like to have a drink?

Mark Twain ū chi̍t8-pái tī pêng-iú tau kòe mê. Tē jī kang beh chia̍h8 chá-tǹg ê sî, pêng-iú mn̄g I khòaⁿ “Beh lim- -chi̍t8-poe-bô?”

“m̄-bián, to-siā.” Mark Twain chin ū lé-sò·.

“Sī án-choaⁿ m̄?”

Mark Twain chin chèng-keng kā I kóng : “3 ê lí-iû ! Tē -it, góa sī kài-chiú chú-gī chiá ; tē -jī, chia̍h8 chá-tǹg chêng góa m̄ lim-chiú ; tē -saⁿ, góa chá-khí í-keng lim 6 poe- -a !”

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Once Mark Twain was spending the night at the house of a friend.  In the morning when they were about to eat breakfast, his friend asked him, “Would you like to have a drink?”

“No need.  Thanks.” Twain politely replied.

“Why not?”

Twain said to him very solemnly, “Three reasons! First, I’m a teetotaler.  Second, I never drink liquor before breakfast.  And three, I’ve already had six drinks this morning!”

Original joke here.

Did you have two every time?

Mary chhōa 6 ê kiáⁿ chē hóe-chhia. Ka-phiò-ôan lâi ê sî, Mary kā kóng:

 “Chit 2 ê 12 hòe, chôan-phiò; hit 2 ê 9 hòe kap lēng-gōa hit 2 ê 6 hòe lóng pòaⁿ-phiò.”

Ka-phiò-ôan ná ka-phiò ná mn̄g: “Hu-jîn, góa khah kāu-ōe–chı̍t–sut–á. Lí kiám ta̍k pái lóng seⁿ 2 ê–sio·h?”  

“Bô it-tēng,” Mary khin-siaⁿ kā ìn, “ū-sî chı̍t ê mā bô.”

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Mary was taking her six kids on the train.  When the conductor came (to check their tickets), Mary told him:

“These two are 12 years old, so they’re full-fare; those two are nine, and the other two are six, so they’re all half-price.”

As the conductor punched their tickets, he asked, “Ma’am, sorry to be nosy, but did you have two kids every time?”

“Not really,” Mary answered in a whisper, “sometimes we didn’t even have one.”

[Original joke here.]

We’re gonna have a baby

Góan Bó͘ Beh Seⁿ Kiáⁿ

Siàu-liân lâng chhiong-ji̍p-khì thâu-ke ê pān-kong-sek, beh chhéng-ká chi̍t tiám-cheng. ” Góan bó͘ beh seⁿ kiáⁿ !” I án-ne kái-soeh.

” Hó, kín khì.” Thâu-ke chin a-sá-lih kā tap-èng.

Kòe chi̍t tiám-cheng siàu-liân – - ê tńg-lâi siōng-pan. Thâu-ke chin koan-sim kā mn̄g:

” Seⁿ cha-po͘- -ê ā-sī cha-bó͘- -ê ?”

Siàu-liân- -ê chhiò-chhiò-á kā ìn :” Chit-má m̄ chai. Ài koh tán 9 kò-go̍eh !”

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A young man runs into his boss’ office, wanting to take an hour off.  “We’re going to have a baby!” he explains.

His boss simply replies, “OK, get going then.”

After an hour, the young man returns to work.  His boss is very concerned and asks him:

“Was it a boy or a girl?”

The young man laughed and answered: “Don’t know yet…have to wait nine more months.”

This time they brought flashlights

Báng-á Chah Chhiú-tiān

2 lâng tī iá-gōa lō͘-iâⁿ. Báng-á chiok chē, hiⁿ -hiⁿ kiò, hāi in khùn bē lo̍h8 bîn. In chiū kā kui seng-khu kap thâu-khak lóng chhàng tī mî-phōe lāi. Kòe chi̍t-ē-á in thàm thâu chhut-lâi khòaⁿ, báng-á lóng poe-cháu- -khì a. Chit sî, In khòaⁿ-tio̍h chi̍t tīn hóe-kim-ko͘, kî-tiong chi̍t ê lâng hoah kóng :

” Chit siaⁿ bái- -a. Báng-á koh lâi – -ah. Chit pái In koh chah chhiú-tiān-á !”

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Two men were camping outdoors. There were a lot of mosquitoes buzzing in their ears and they couldn’t get to sleep.  So they they covered up their whole bodies and heads with their blankets.  After a while, they stuck their heads out to look, and the mosquitoes had all flown off.  (But) then they saw a bunch of lightning bugs, and one of the mean yelled out:

“Now we’re in trouble! The mosquitoes are back, and this time they brought flashlights!”